sometimes i get sad but then i remember my cousin got drunk and hot Patrick Kane tattooed on his stomach after the stanley cup finals 


my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so fucking hard


hey, so are we on a “tu” basis or are we still pretty “vous”


My buddy Tom baked a cake for his Argentinian friend to cheer her up after the world cup loss.
…they are no longer friends.

my dad wont let me take nyquil yet and im banished to the couch to sleep so i dont choke in my sleep or something and he wont even put the NHL network on this night sucks




omg did u see that ghost

When I saw that and thought it can’t get better

it did


when your selfie gets more than 5 notes